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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

"You mock my pain!" "Life IS pain, Highness. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something."

So I was eating my lunch, and needed something to read while doing so. I decided to once again attempt to read about hypno-birthing. It lasted about two minutes.... :)

{Now before I begin, on this little "discussion" about my hypno-birthing reading experience, please know that I am not against it or other forms of natural birthing. If it works for you, I am so happy for you. Please do it with my un-needed and/or un-asked for blessing. }

So why did it last for only two minutes? Well, I'll tell you. I made the mistake of once again beginning with its premise. Towards the beginning of the book, the author tells a little story (true story) about a doctor at the turn of the century in England. He worked in a hospital with educated women and he saw a lot of well to do women, come in to the hospital and give birth. It was a loud, painful experience for them. Then he went into the English slums to help a woman give birth without a sound except her steady breathing. She refused any kind of drug to help with pain. After the birth the doctor asked her how she did it. Wasn't it painful? And she told him that it didn't hurt. "Was it supposed to hurt doctor?" she asked him. Then later the doctor had a similar experience with another woman and he began to ask the question "Why?"

And I'm thinking, "Why!?! I'll tell you why! Because those women are incredibly LUCKY that's why!!! Something is wrong with the pain sensors in their uterine muscles, that's why!"

Of course I know what is coming on next....he is going to blame society's and medicine's unnatural attitudes about birth.

Now please let me state here that to a point I actually agree with him. I do believe that I personally make my own pain worse because of stress and fear. This is why I bought the book (for a $1.50 at a yard sale) in the first place. I want some pain management skills to help me get through the labor in a happier manner.

But today with a little help from The Princess Bride, I remembered why this whole thing upsets me so: They mock my pain. Or at least I feel that way. I feel that the are telling me that the pain I felt was unjustified. Well let me tell you. I felt pain. The biggest pain of my life. I didn't expect it to hurt as bad as it did. It did it all by itself. And you are trying to make it sound like it isn't a real thing. Do you think this makes me feel better? When you go through a painful experience, physical or emotional, do you want to hear someone tell you that so&so went through the same experience in a dignified and painless manner, and you should be able to also?? NO! You want some sympathy! And furthermore, nice MALE hypno-birthing enthusiast doctor, why don't YOU give birth sometime and tell me if it doesn't hurt.

Anyway, sorry. As I stated in the paragraph before I got away with myself, I REALLY do believe that if I could stay calmer it wouldn't hurt as bad as it has in the past. But I am NOT trying to say that it wouldn't hurt at all.

My friend Clair, who I admire, is a firm believer in natural home birth, not that it is exactly the same thing as "hypno-birthing", but it is still a natural attitude about birthing--that a woman's body is built to accomplish this task. I think it was a very smart decision for her to give birth that way. (I think it was a smart decision for pretty much all the people I know who have felt good about it and then done it.) But did she tell me that it was pain free? NO. It hurt her too. But it was worth it to her to give birth naturally at home, and she knew how to manage the pain.

I want a little realism like that here. One of my favorite stories about this, that I read in a magazine, goes like this. Some details I am fuzzy on now, but I will do my best. The story is about a woman (and her husband), and I think she was some sort of athlete, perhaps even a little famous. But the point is, that she and her husband were completely into hypno-birthing. They went to all the classes, they had her mind visualizations all set. Very prepared, they went to the hospital to do this hypno-birthing thing. Well it turns out that during the labor process, she felt what many women feel at this time in their lives: PAIN. Her helpful husband tried to help her visualize her favorite visualization, "the fawn in the forest." Well, I won't repeat what she said because she swore, but let's just say she chose to get the epidural. Now, I'm not promoting the epidural here. She said in the story, that next time, she might want to try hypno-birthing again and more power to her. All I am saying is that the pain is REAL. That's all. If you find a way to manage it, that works for you, go for it even if it is hypno-birthing. But don't try to tell me that my pain is ALL in my head.

Perhaps I need to go somewhere else to learn pain management skills......I don't think hypno-birthing and I are such a good combination. It's a shame though, because that book was really a good price.

9 comments:

Ashley Miller said...

I didn't do hypnobirthing with Joseph, but I did take a natural approach. Birth was painful, but it was doable pain. What helped me was a great birth partner who channeled my stubbornness against my obnoxious doctor (my OB was out of town, so I got the guy on call), trust that my body was built to do this, and preparation with natural birthing books. The coolest thing I read was that pain messages to your brain help your brain send endorphins to help you get through the process better. It also sends endorphins to your baby, who is also going through something hard and painful (you try getting squeezed through something that small :) ). I learned a breathing technique or two and learned to focus my energy on getting through the contractions and then getting that baby out, and it worked for me. But I also had no complications or problems that would have made an epidural more necessary. I felt so awesome after I gave birth naturally. If you want to give it another go (or at least do a little more investigation), I can recommend a few books and a video that helped me. Happy third trimester, Mer!

Sheri said...

lol! I love you, Mer.

I liked Hypnobirthing. Not in a "I believe all of this painless childbirth crap" sort of way, but I did feel that it gave me techniques to chill out and manage my pain. I felt more in control. But I absolutely agree that it was necessary to sift through a bunch of garbage to get the helpful information out of it. :)

You're going to do great. Each of my deliveries has been easier than the first. Still painful, but DOABLE. Love you!

Rachel said...

I commented but then it deleted my whole comment. GRRR.

My comment boiled down to this:
1. I've heard that story too, except it involved the English doctor going to Africa. (Wait a minute...is this story made up!?)
2. I honestly thought that when I went into labor I would probably be different than everyone else and it would probably be easy for me and I wasn't scared at all.
3. I was induced instead of going into labor on my own.
4. I asked for an early epidural. I chickened out.
5. I therefore didn't really feel any pain in labor. So I was right. I was different than everyone else. HA!
6. Labor was cheesecake compared to recovery. You had warned me about this, though. And for that, I thank you.
7. I still wonder what labor feels like.

You will do AWESEOME!!

Meridy said...

Thanks guys! Ashley, I think I would like to know which books you liked best. Sheri, maybe in a few days I will try to sift through some hypno-birthing info, but I will never read it from the beginning again. Rachey, I'm glad it was helpful for you to know that recovery wasn't fun. My next recovery was better, I hope this one will be too. I know a little bit what labor feels like actually, because the epidural only worked through half of my body, most of the time during my last labor. The urge to push did feel good--that really does make a difference. I think this is why I want pain management skills. I don't think I can count on the epidural to be there for me the whole time. And I'm not sure if I want to keep paying for a whole epidural only to have it work halfway. ;)

Ashley Miller said...

I found all of these at my library after doing some digging on Goodreads and Amazon. I'm sure there are other great books out there if you can't find these. These books and video are pretty biased toward natural birth, so keep that in mind.

The Birth Partner by Peggy Simkin (Read the review by Eric Jorgensen)
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/315788.The_Birth_Partner
The Official Lamaze Guide by Judith Lothian (Really good for physiological explanations. Lamaze isn't that "Oo oo ee ee" breathing thing anymore.)
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/918334.The_Official_Lamaze_Guide

(DVD)Laugh and Learn about Childbirth with Sheri Bayles (You won't need most of this, as you've given birth twice before, but the sections on breathing and comfort measures were excellent)
http://www.amazon.com/Laugh-Learn-About-Childbirth-Bayles/dp/B000PLXFSS/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1299167544&sr=1-1

I also read Dr. Miriam Stoppard's New Pregnancy and Birth Book. It has good information and pictures, but doesn't cover a lot of new ground.

Call me or shoot me an email if you want to chat.

Angela (Turner) Howland said...

Oh, Meridy. I'm right there with ya. You did make me curious to know what this hypno-birthing thing is all about. I'm sure you will survive another delivery, I just hope you find some way to relax and be more comfortable! Good luck and best wishes!

Bonita said...

I did the hypno/natural birth thing with my first. There was pain, it was hard,and there was pain.(especially when it took them three hours to sew me up afterwards..ok way to much info..sorry)If anyone says it is pain free they are LYING!For the the rest of my kids I had happy drugs.

Meridy said...

Happy Drugs. :) I might end up getting me some of those again too. ;)

Mandy said...

It's awesome that those women were able to handle their labor so well, but that doesn't make other women's pain any less real. Even Eve was told, "In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children" (Genesis 3:16). In other words, it was gonna hurt, and she was the first person give birth for crying out loud! No one can claim that she grew up in a society that brainwashed her into thinking labor was painful. She and Adam WERE society and it hurt because it WAS painful. So, while I think that women can truly help the labor process go more smoothly and less painfully through both natural and psychological methods, labor still hurts, it always has hurt, and it probably always will hurt. And as for YOU, Dr. British Turn-of-the-Century Man, YOU try having a kid and we'll just see how YOU like it!
P.S. Isn't it kind of funny how that doctor looked at the exceptions and thought that everyone else had problem? Usually we look and the exceptions and think that everyone else is normal. But no, he was all like, (*cue British accent*) "I say, you are indeed an exceptional woman. Most ladies are actually foolish enough to feel pain when they have children! Silly little things, aren't they?"

Yeah, right, step over here and say that, Bucky!